Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
