Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
PANTIES FOUND
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