Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
