I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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