i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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