My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
