Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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