you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
