Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
