Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
