Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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