I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
