$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
