I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
