Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just found puke in my bra..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
