There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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