WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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