Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
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