Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My vagina just recognized that song.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
