How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
