Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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