If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
3 2 1 whiskey
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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