Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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