i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This is the high leading the old right now
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
