my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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