I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
