OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
