i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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