I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
