Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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