At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
