he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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