just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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