my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
