Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
