life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
