you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
