Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
