and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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