guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
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