ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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