well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
