She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
