Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
