can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
