It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
