Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
