C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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