I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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