My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
