tell your sister to shave her snatch
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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