we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
