Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
