I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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